Over the years I have had many friends male and female ending relationships or marriages due to the fact that their partner "changed". Prior to meeting John I was rather pessimistic about relationships. Really, what girl who has ever had her heart broken isn't. The frustrating part for me were the expectations that I saw my friend's spouses have for them. The pressures to remain the perfect size, never allowed to show they were having bad days, the need to be the perfect wife, cook, maid, and mother. Who can sit under those pressures without cracking? I guess for the most part it frightened me. One day I may develop a terminal illness, gain 50lbs, or decide that I don't LOVE washing dishes. Will that be ok? Will this be reason for divorce? For some close friends it has been. Some even simply decide they aren't in LOVE with their partner anymore.
This concept of marrying someone and expecting them to remain the same person that they were 10, 5, or even 2 years prior seems rather ridiculous to me. I would be rather unhappy with myself if I stayed the same. If I didn't progress. In fact, one of the top things I was looking for in a husband was someone who would challenge me to be a better version of myself. Kind of a contradiction because I also needed to find someone who loves me exactly as I am.
Carl Rogers was a human development theorist who believed that people have the ability to make positive changes in their lives through relationships with those around them that are full of what he referred to as "unconditional positive regard" and also the belief that people will do the best that they can in their individual situations. According to Carl, these are the things that create an environment for positive change.
I have been blessed throughout my life with amazing family and friends who for the most part have shown me this "unconditional positive regard". With it, I have reached goals that at times have seemed uncertain.
I sought after this in my husband. When I found it I knew he was a keeper. To be able to love someone fully for who they are and where they have come from, yet, simultaneaously to also inspire and support them towards positive change is quite an anomaly in my book. For me it's priceless.
Update...
Nothing really major has been going on. A lot of small things that add up to "busy". I am finally back in WI. I have been for just over a week. While I was gone John had our new furniture delivered. I LOVE my new bed. It is amazing. We have a small apartment so it has been interesting seeing how creative we can get get with space-saving organization ideas. My personal fave is the corner of our bedroom that John converted into a space where I can hang my curling irons, store my makeup, all below a giant mirror that I can use to get ready so we aren't fighting for space in the mornings. I love that I have someone who is creative with projects and can also use all the power tools that it takes to execute them!
I went today to get the Celiac test along with some other blood tests. The doctor also gave me the flu and H1N1 shots. I had like 5 needles stuck in me in a matter of one hour. For those of you that know me you understand that this a quite a feat for me! I was having flashbacks of the panic attack over my IV from the tonsilectomy 3 years ago. I like to think I have gotten a tad better since then.
John and I were finally able to start working on our individual goals. He has been such a great teammate for me. We have been doing the 5k training in the mornings outside (FREEZING) and just started P90X. I am sure you have seen those infomercials with the ripped men and women talking about how after 90 days they were able to do 50 millions pull-ups...you know the drill. We are modifying it. I can't even do a real boy push-up. I have a long way to go.
Bring it!
I went today to get the Celiac test along with some other blood tests. The doctor also gave me the flu and H1N1 shots. I had like 5 needles stuck in me in a matter of one hour. For those of you that know me you understand that this a quite a feat for me! I was having flashbacks of the panic attack over my IV from the tonsilectomy 3 years ago. I like to think I have gotten a tad better since then.
John and I were finally able to start working on our individual goals. He has been such a great teammate for me. We have been doing the 5k training in the mornings outside (FREEZING) and just started P90X. I am sure you have seen those infomercials with the ripped men and women talking about how after 90 days they were able to do 50 millions pull-ups...you know the drill. We are modifying it. I can't even do a real boy push-up. I have a long way to go.
Bring it!
Bittersweet...
One of the few conversations I remember having with my grandmother was when I was about thirteen. In her final years, she would stay in the car when my grandparents would come visit and we would run out and talk with them in the driveway. Her and I were talking about school and friends. My family had just moved the year between elementary and middle school and I was having a difficult time adjusting. I explained to her my mixed emotions on the move. She used the term "bittersweet". That has always stuck with me. She told me that it was ok to have positive and negative feelings regarding the same issue. Until that point I think I always felt I had to be completely for or against things going on in my life.
Today is pretty much the epitome of bittersweet. I have made many decisions in my life that have been difficult and have resulted in a love/hate conflict. I feel like they always lead me to the place I need to end up. They always move me closer to my goals and in the direction I want to be. They are however, still HARD. I am really excited to finally spend time with John on a daily basis again. I am excited to have conversations in person and to avoid a plane ride before heading out on our dates. As for tonight, I spend this last evening in PA reviewing my time here. I have made some good friends in this short time. I have learned a lot of things about myself and my field of work. I contemplate how blessed I have been with protection and comfort being here on my own. More sweet than bitter, but definately bittersweet...
Today is pretty much the epitome of bittersweet. I have made many decisions in my life that have been difficult and have resulted in a love/hate conflict. I feel like they always lead me to the place I need to end up. They always move me closer to my goals and in the direction I want to be. They are however, still HARD. I am really excited to finally spend time with John on a daily basis again. I am excited to have conversations in person and to avoid a plane ride before heading out on our dates. As for tonight, I spend this last evening in PA reviewing my time here. I have made some good friends in this short time. I have learned a lot of things about myself and my field of work. I contemplate how blessed I have been with protection and comfort being here on my own. More sweet than bitter, but definately bittersweet...
Contentment
One of the most difficult times in my life was when I moved back to Utah from New Jersey. Living in New Jersey I found myself. I really grew up. It was the first time in my life where I had girlfriends that loved me as much as my own sisters. They are the type who will tell you that your feet stink but you know that they would beat the crap out of anyone else that would say that to you.
The adjustment was hard. I moved back to finish my Bachelor's degree but by that time I didn't have many friends and I missed the fast-paced adventurous part of the east coast. The only thing that I did have were the annual trips we took each year. I can't begin to express what these trips mean to me. It is so much more than a chance to explore new places and cultures. It is OUR time to come together and know that we will always have each other.
During the short stint in Utah, I had a conversation with my friend Jill. I confessed that I knew I was depressed and that I was greatly anticipating our trip. During those two years it was really the only good thing I had going for me. She made a comment to me that although the specific words have left, I will never forget the message. She explained to me that I needed to figure out how to have joy despite the fact that I was unhappy with where I was at in life. She mentioned that it was nice to have things to look forward to but at some point you must be happy and content with the "day to day".
I haven't thought much about that conversation until my last posting. The sadness and feelings of depression have long since abandoned me. In my last post I mentioned that this year would be less about outside things like obtaining "stuff" or taking trips. I didn't mean to make this sound regretful. I wanted to say that for the first time I am comfortable with my "day to day". I was always in search of the "next great adventure" but sometimes I wonder if it was a cover-up for discontentment. In this moment, I feel like I have finally arrived...
The trips will continue and so will "the list". Growth and progression are necessities for happiness but I have realized that so much of that takes place inside of us...
The adjustment was hard. I moved back to finish my Bachelor's degree but by that time I didn't have many friends and I missed the fast-paced adventurous part of the east coast. The only thing that I did have were the annual trips we took each year. I can't begin to express what these trips mean to me. It is so much more than a chance to explore new places and cultures. It is OUR time to come together and know that we will always have each other.
During the short stint in Utah, I had a conversation with my friend Jill. I confessed that I knew I was depressed and that I was greatly anticipating our trip. During those two years it was really the only good thing I had going for me. She made a comment to me that although the specific words have left, I will never forget the message. She explained to me that I needed to figure out how to have joy despite the fact that I was unhappy with where I was at in life. She mentioned that it was nice to have things to look forward to but at some point you must be happy and content with the "day to day".
I haven't thought much about that conversation until my last posting. The sadness and feelings of depression have long since abandoned me. In my last post I mentioned that this year would be less about outside things like obtaining "stuff" or taking trips. I didn't mean to make this sound regretful. I wanted to say that for the first time I am comfortable with my "day to day". I was always in search of the "next great adventure" but sometimes I wonder if it was a cover-up for discontentment. In this moment, I feel like I have finally arrived...
The trips will continue and so will "the list". Growth and progression are necessities for happiness but I have realized that so much of that takes place inside of us...
A New Year...
I love this time of year. Everyone recommitting to things that are (or they think should be) important to them. I have a few of my own that I am focusing on for 2010. In my younger days this list usually contained things like visiting foreign countries, having exciting adventures, or owning something fabulous. This year especially I am focusing on developing things within me instead. Dostoevsky said that "life is within us, it's not external". I really believe this. Life is shaping ourselves into the person we really want to be. Ten people can have the same experience and it may have ten different impacts on them. This year I can't be certain of what will or will not happen. I can however, control who I become because of it.
Marriage- I am going to be honest. Marriage is hard. I get why the divorce rate in our country is so high. I get why people get frustrated. Why they give up. I always assumed the hard part would be finding the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I have a wonderful husband who I cannot possibly imagine life without. I am convinced we have known each other a lot longer than we really have. He is such a hard worker in all areas of his life. Most importantly he gets me. I have always been "independent" and sometimes even "selfish". I guess I am the product of life full of needing to take care of myself. Feeling guilty when others would try to do things for me. Too proud to ask for help. These traits have gotten me far in my schooling, job, and life in general but they definately don't help in marriage. Especially one that is viewed as a true partnership. This year I am focusing on this transition from "single Maeg" to "married Maeg".
Health-Ok, this is something I include every year. I guess it stems from this idea that you can never be too healthy. I have made huge strides with getting on a regular sleep schedule and waking up early. I have been more active but I need to get a stronger hold on this whole running thing. John and I will be registering for a few 5k races in WI. Also, I have a goal of doing at least one pull-up before the year ends. I know this sounds weird but it's on "the list". I have never in my life been able to do this. Now is my time.
Knowledge- I have mentioned my desire to understand the gospel more fully from a doctrinal perspective. This year I am not going to shy away from the things I don't currently understand. I am going to ask questions and dig deeper.
I am so excited to begin this year. John and I will finally be living together and it will actually feel like we are "married". I will finally finish all the requirements for my master's degree and I will be able to continue doing what I love. (with a pay increase) This year feels full of potential. I look forward to spending it with those I love. I look forward to the new experiences and memories that will be made.
Marriage- I am going to be honest. Marriage is hard. I get why the divorce rate in our country is so high. I get why people get frustrated. Why they give up. I always assumed the hard part would be finding the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I have a wonderful husband who I cannot possibly imagine life without. I am convinced we have known each other a lot longer than we really have. He is such a hard worker in all areas of his life. Most importantly he gets me. I have always been "independent" and sometimes even "selfish". I guess I am the product of life full of needing to take care of myself. Feeling guilty when others would try to do things for me. Too proud to ask for help. These traits have gotten me far in my schooling, job, and life in general but they definately don't help in marriage. Especially one that is viewed as a true partnership. This year I am focusing on this transition from "single Maeg" to "married Maeg".
Health-Ok, this is something I include every year. I guess it stems from this idea that you can never be too healthy. I have made huge strides with getting on a regular sleep schedule and waking up early. I have been more active but I need to get a stronger hold on this whole running thing. John and I will be registering for a few 5k races in WI. Also, I have a goal of doing at least one pull-up before the year ends. I know this sounds weird but it's on "the list". I have never in my life been able to do this. Now is my time.
Knowledge- I have mentioned my desire to understand the gospel more fully from a doctrinal perspective. This year I am not going to shy away from the things I don't currently understand. I am going to ask questions and dig deeper.
I am so excited to begin this year. John and I will finally be living together and it will actually feel like we are "married". I will finally finish all the requirements for my master's degree and I will be able to continue doing what I love. (with a pay increase) This year feels full of potential. I look forward to spending it with those I love. I look forward to the new experiences and memories that will be made.
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