It has been almost a week without full internet access. John bought me an awesome wedding present...a pink phone that has yahoo directions, facebook, hotmail, and yahoo. My only reservation is that I can't blog on it!!! Anyways, things are going really well here in PA. Harrisburg is a small city but with amazing architecture. At night the light from the street lamps reflect off of the Susquehanna River. Multiple bridges take you in and out from the suburbs to the city. I have an infatuation with bridges and train tracks so this makes me happy.
I live in a small city outside of Harrisburg. It is a small town but all of the building look as though they might have been built during the time of Gone with the Wind....I love it. I live in a small bed and breakfast and Target is only minutes from me!
The job is going really well. I truly love what I do. Everyone is really nice and supportive and I get my own.....(drum roll please)....cubicle! Luckily once I am done with training I will get to work more in the field...I am not really a "sit at a desk" kind of girl.
I miss John. A lot. Most of the people I work with are quite a bit older than me and I am not really sure how to meet people....weird for me I know! Perhaps this will be motivation enough to get back on track with running. It has fallen by the wayside through all of the packing, unpacking, and trying to spend as much time with John as possible!
Unpreparedness of great consequence....
Have you ever had that dream where you are starting a new job or giving a class presentation and you are standing in front of a group of people and you realize you are completely unprepared. You know you are supposed to be there and that others are expecting to gain something from you but you aren't sure exactly what it is or the details of what you need to communicate? This is such a regular dream for me. Especially when I am beginning a new job and even more disturbing is that most of the time in these dreams I am naked or looking ridiculous.
When John and I first began talking we spoke about religion often. Many of questions I could answer and many I couldn't. I am finding that the more we talk the less I realize that I know. For me religion has always been a feeling kind of thing and the logic follows. It's logical that we don't drink or smoke for health reasons but my choices for that usually stem from a moral aspect. John is a very logical man and he acknowledges that religion must possess some component of faith but he must find the logic and the evidence for it too.
He comes with me for an hour each week. We talk about what is said and he patiently explains to me other religious viewpoints on the same topics. (I am amazed at his knowledge of the bible and various religions.)
Last week he made a comment to me that was hard to hear. He asked me how I could believe in something so strongly knowing so little. Some might say that this is good. A matter of "faith". But honestly that would only be a self-corrupting lie in it's fullness. I was reminded of the thought given by Elder Bruce R. McConkie, “Now let us come to … a conclusion that will have an important bearing on our eternal salvation. It is that each person must learn the doctrines of the gospel for himself. No one else can do it for him. Each person stands alone where gospel scholarship is concerned; each has access to the same scriptures and is entitled to the guidance of the same Holy Spirit; each must pay the price set by a Divine Providence if he is to gain the pearl of great price." How quickly this humbles me and makes me realize that simply attending church and reading scriptures is not enough. I lost a lot of time during periods of inactivity in my life. I know I will be held accountable as an individual to learn the doctrines and be able to communicate my beliefs to others. I also know through my PB that I have an added responsibility to teach my family. I always thought of this in relationship to my children but now I know it means even more.
John asked me how I expected to defend my religion to others if I couldn't even answer his questions. He is absolutely right. I could get defensive (and I did) but truthfully this only makes me realize how much more I need to learn. In my defense I have had opportunities to speak to thers about the church and I have surprisingly sound it easier. Perhaps it is the fact that this is my husband. At this point it is personal. Humility at it's finest (yet most painful) form. I have finally gotten to the point in my life where I can undoubtedly pinpoint my end goals, but yet that is merely step one of many.
When John and I first began talking we spoke about religion often. Many of questions I could answer and many I couldn't. I am finding that the more we talk the less I realize that I know. For me religion has always been a feeling kind of thing and the logic follows. It's logical that we don't drink or smoke for health reasons but my choices for that usually stem from a moral aspect. John is a very logical man and he acknowledges that religion must possess some component of faith but he must find the logic and the evidence for it too.
He comes with me for an hour each week. We talk about what is said and he patiently explains to me other religious viewpoints on the same topics. (I am amazed at his knowledge of the bible and various religions.)
Last week he made a comment to me that was hard to hear. He asked me how I could believe in something so strongly knowing so little. Some might say that this is good. A matter of "faith". But honestly that would only be a self-corrupting lie in it's fullness. I was reminded of the thought given by Elder Bruce R. McConkie, “Now let us come to … a conclusion that will have an important bearing on our eternal salvation. It is that each person must learn the doctrines of the gospel for himself. No one else can do it for him. Each person stands alone where gospel scholarship is concerned; each has access to the same scriptures and is entitled to the guidance of the same Holy Spirit; each must pay the price set by a Divine Providence if he is to gain the pearl of great price." How quickly this humbles me and makes me realize that simply attending church and reading scriptures is not enough. I lost a lot of time during periods of inactivity in my life. I know I will be held accountable as an individual to learn the doctrines and be able to communicate my beliefs to others. I also know through my PB that I have an added responsibility to teach my family. I always thought of this in relationship to my children but now I know it means even more.
John asked me how I expected to defend my religion to others if I couldn't even answer his questions. He is absolutely right. I could get defensive (and I did) but truthfully this only makes me realize how much more I need to learn. In my defense I have had opportunities to speak to thers about the church and I have surprisingly sound it easier. Perhaps it is the fact that this is my husband. At this point it is personal. Humility at it's finest (yet most painful) form. I have finally gotten to the point in my life where I can undoubtedly pinpoint my end goals, but yet that is merely step one of many.
More to Love...
Ok, so has anyone been watching the "plus-sized" version of the bachelor? I have to say that as a fatty myself I have been dissapointed with the way that they portray large women. On the show I have watched as these beautiful women fight for the time and attention of a very "typical" guy. Each of them are asked questions like "what is the single most life-changing event in your life?" or "what is your biggest trial you have overcome?"....surprise surprise! Each of them say their weight! Ok, so I know I have blogged about life as a fatty before but I definately wouldn't say that I allow my weight to dictate the choices I make in my life or the limits that I set for myself. I think it is sad to see grown women who in their mid-twenties who should have at least a small idea of who they are inside but yet can't see past perceived stereotypes that they are convincing themselves that others have for them. Admittedly, I have accused relationships for not working based on the fact that I am overweight but on a show where the man is obviously looking for a "curvy girl" some of these women get all upset at elimination and claim that "it must be my weight" completely disregarding the fact that it could be that their personality sucks or their values and priorities differ. My second issue is that many of the women on here are professing their love for a man strictly based on the fact that he loves "larger women". I know that when I met John I was impressed by the fact that he didn't judge me for eating a big fat burger with extra bacon or the fact that I shop at a plus-sized store. Yes I LOVE the fact that he thinks I am sexy. But I have to say that these things could be there but without his supportive personality, his impressive knowledge and drive for learning, his manners, his charm, and his goal-driven persona I might not have felt the same way. I think attractiveness should be a given, but it's sad to me when it seems to be the sole criteria for a man you think you want to spend the rest of your life with. I am grateful for John and his love for my very imperfect body. I love the fact that he makes me feel like a sexy, confident woman when I don't always feel that way, but there are so many other things that contribute to our relationship and make it what it is. For that I am thankful.
Unpack, get married, repack and leave....
So I think I have a major personality flaw...it's called taking on too much. We are up to our chins in boxes and John went back to work today after our long weekend. Ugh. Where to start. We leave on Friday so John can drop me off in PA. My goal is to get everything unpacked and looking somewhat liveable before I leave. Also I need to repack all the things that are coming with me. When does the normalcy begin???
As for the wedding....thanks for all of the congratulations! Everything went smoothly and my girlfriends sent me a large bouquet of beautiful flowers. We had dinner at the Cheescake factory with John's dad and my parents afterwards. It was great to see my parents again and I was really grateful for the time that we got to spend with them. They were so helpful and supportive. I was glad they got the opportunity to meet John too.
As for the wedding....thanks for all of the congratulations! Everything went smoothly and my girlfriends sent me a large bouquet of beautiful flowers. We had dinner at the Cheescake factory with John's dad and my parents afterwards. It was great to see my parents again and I was really grateful for the time that we got to spend with them. They were so helpful and supportive. I was glad they got the opportunity to meet John too.
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