Mrs. Independent...

Have you ever had those moments where opportunity pours down on you like gentle rain and you get hit with a sudden overwelming realization that "you asked for this"....It can be something positive or even negative. If it is a good thing, I feel blessed. I know that I am often given opportunities that I probably don't deserve but I think because I dare to visualize and hope for them, they are imparted to me. If they are something that I thought that I wanted and in my current context they manifest themselves as something negative, I often feel there is a lesson to be learned within it. Even if that lesson is as simple as knowing that I don't always know what is best for me.
I grew up in a home structured around independence. Actually, structured implies it was intentional and often it wasn't. I learned the lessons anyway. I have always felt that I could do things better for myself than anyone could ever do for me. This mindset is a blessing and a curse. With it comes the knowledge that I have control over my life, I choose and therefore I get what I want. It also instills a sense of responsibility and when successes come up I feel an unequivocal right to own them. In the same breath, I also own my failures. The curse lies within the fact that as much as I learn about myself and grow from past lessons, there will always be an all-knowing power who sees the bigger picture. Sees my strengths and weakness and understands how I must grow to reach my full potential. To give up control, even if it is to hands more capable then mine, would signify a weakness. Oh how difficult this is for a prideful girl such as I. I understand that when I am humbled enough to turn over my weaknesses they can be made into strengths. The process of change scares me although I see it as inevitable and even just a little bit exciting.