Football

We also had the missionaries over a few times...for Thanksgiving and also to push RiLee's dead BMW up the driveway so I could get out on Sunday!!! Here are some pics from our football game the day after Thanksgiving....usually there are more people but we had a lot flake out since it was a tad windy...it was really a beautiful day to play!

Thanksgiving!

This Thanksgiving I had the opportunity to go to Jersey to spend time with my friends. I missed John like crazy but he might actually be glad I went since I learned some pretty amazing recipes and cooking techniques from RiLee who has this ability to cook pure deliciousness without even breaking a sweat! Here are some pics from the preparation!

Laundromats: The Great Search for Chicks and Spirituality...

The old laundromat down the street with its dimming flourescent lighting buzzes like a swarm of bees. It makes the old washers and dryers have a yellowish tint not unlike an old photograph from the sixties or seventies. The hum of the Maytags sing to me softly. A row of plastic chairs are bolted to the floor next to the folding tables. Random dryer sheets flutter to the ground as I take in the smell of "fresh breeze"...I have grown used to this place. I sit here for fifty-two minutes as my clothes become clean again. I am not here often but regular. Each time I inevitably get roped into conversation despite my efforts to appear "pre-occupied". Hoping that the pink earphones from my IPOD or the newest chick-lit novel will deter any "chatty Kathies" from striking up conversation. I don't mean to be rude....in fact, I often talk to strangers but once the sun has gone down, I am tired of talking. Always talking, and listening which is perhaps the most tiring. I can't listen anymore tonight.

The first time I was here a tall man used the line "you sure are a long way from home"...briefly, I pause. Moving around so much has caused me to forget sometimes where home is...and even worse at times I forget where I am. Everything mushes together. I realize my CA license plates are still on my car and I make the connection. "Yeah" I respond without much affect. He begins to converse with me. I think he is hitting on me. I hate to sound self-involved but he carries on. I lie to him. I tell him my husband moved here with me. He quickly retracts and the conversation is over. Two weeks later I am having same conversation with an entirely different man. Same lines. Same lie. (Did someone write a book on this or something?) It's like on of those freaky sci-fi movies where the same event happens over and over again. Different people but same words. By the third time I am accepting it as "traditional laundromat conversation starters". I guess I missed the memo.

Thirty something, single, men are not the only ones who like to solicit themselves at this laundromat. One day I was approached by a well-dressed older woman asking me if I knew God. This time I am armed with IPOD, Grisham novel, and cell phone texting deterents. I pretend I don't hear her but she stands in front of me unwilling to take my non-subtle hints. I look up and she asks if she can read the Bible with me. I oblige her...do I have a choice? She represents a religion know well for their prostelatizing. She reads for ten minutes talking about the end of the world which only emphasizes the bleak ambiance. She leaves me a brochure and tells me that she can help save me. Tonight I walk into the laudromat and find it empty. A man emerges from the back and leaves then returns. He too pulls out the line "you sure are far from home"...I think to myself "I really need to get those changed". He asks me if I go to church. "Yes", I reply. "Have you found one here?" "Yes" "I want to invite you to MY church", he says. He tells me the name and I don't recognize it. I ask if he is Christian. He replies, "My church is centered in Christ but we are anti-baptist." I haven't heard of this one before. A woman walks in and informs him it is time to leave. He is done trying to save me too. I am once again left alone. All that is left is the hum of the dryer and the flicker of the lights. This has become comfortable again.

Truth...

If truth were to be hidden,

Intentionally, out of reach.

If you couldn't hide the goodness

Would you not mask evil with that same vein.

Would you surround truth with trials of faith?

Would you make it harder to obtain?

Would you masquerade evil to dance more easily

And make honest men die for it's sake.

 Truth is objective.

Men seek, interpret and learn in subjectivity.

Experiences, thoughts and feelings woven within it's lines.

Yet, still men want proof.

If it were to be the most true,

would he not want to create the most opposition.

Lead those away who might benefit

Lull them believing it's easier, less resistance, less change.

Would the conquering of doubt be the thing to let faith in?

Would men lay down their need of proof,

If they could see the difference.

If they could feel His love.

Perhaps then, they could believe.

Boars, Cancer, and a glimpse at the stars...

John called tonight with the discovery of some bad news...

we are both boars.

 According to Chinese Astrology, we are in for a rough relationship with our clashing personalities. With this disturbing news I turned to the stars....Ok, ok, ok I know what most of you are thinking....I have spent way too much time with "crazies"... I have never been a big believer in astrology (no offense to those who happen to be) but I wanted to find something that would counteract the superstitions that accompanied his news. I wanted to find something that would tell me that our natures were compatible and that we will have a glorious happy ending...you know, the kind you see in the movies. The ones that seem so easy.

Fat chance.

This is what astrologists have to say to me (Aries) in regards to my marriage with John (Cancer)...

 "You are a fire sign, and Cancer is water. This is not a favorable combination, and will require lots of effort in order to work. Cancer has a sense of responsibility, a good head when it comes to financial security and real estate decisions. He is constructive, practical, conservative, and likes to settle down. You, Aries, are a fiery, aggressive, independent globe-trotter. See the clash here? Cancer will try to channel all your energetic forces into constructive projects. He will try to "mother" you, and won't understand why you are given to flighty, impractical dramas. The upside of this match: awesome physical attraction. If you both can learn to compromise, compromise, compromise...you can build a steady, interesting, and passionate love relationship."

The disturbing news is that this actually kind of fits us. A lot.

So why am I not worried? This is telling me that our relationship will be rough at first but if we are able to compromise we will have "steady and passionate love". Isn't this true for just about any marriage. I think the hardest part for me is learning to adjust to someone doing and thinking about everything so differently than what I am used to. I must say though...it makes me stronger.

I wouldn't trade it for the stars.

Christmas Music....

Yes, I am lame. I am changing my blog music to a Christmas list. Don't judge me.

Assumptions...

...make me crazy. One of my biggest pet peeves is when others assume that I feel a certain way, or that I will act a certain way, or even worse they assume they understand why I am the way that I am. Fat people are fat because they are lazy....alcoholics will never change because they are addicts....you are from Utah so you must not understand the world...you get the idea. So much misinterpretation would go away if people would take the time to hear things from the source. To ask questions to better understand someone as opposed to assuming that we have them figured out. I admit I too am guilty...but I am definately working on it.

To you...

I love the way your eyes follow me.

The way you kiss my forehead when doubt clouds my eyes. You know...the kiss that tells me things will all be ok even though I often lack faith.

I love the fact that you let me go when you want to tell me "stay".

The fact that you rub my stomach. Despite it's largeness you seem to caress it as though you love even that part of me. The one part I have yet to even find acceptance with.

I love the fact that you dance twelve songs with me in one night just to continue our quest for "our perfect song".

I love the way your arm gently grasps my elbow to hold me up when I thought I couldn't stand.

The way you distracted two of my favorite little girls so the loss of a loved one didn't sting so much.

I delight in the way you interact with your nieces and nephews in Spanish as their beloved "tio".

I enjoy the excitement you get in the small things like beds, budgets and homecooked meals.

I revel in the fact that you work so hard to support us.

The way you value education and aren't intimidated by the fact that I do too.

I relish the times when you grab my feet and rub them gently when I am stuck wearing heals all day.

I love that you know my beliefs are unique and even if you don't understand it all yet you appreciate it.

Your politics make me smile.

I like when you scratch my back when we sit in church and even more that you come with me nearly every week.

I enjoy that you don't mind this whole "18 kids" concept.

I laugh because you are so simply entertained by cartoons.

You make me feel invincible and humbled all at the same time.

Thank you Love.

...

..."That which we persist in doing becomes easier for us to do; not that the nature of the thing is changed, but that our potential to do it is increased." -Heber J. Grant

My feet pound against the track every other day believing that at some point it will get easier. One day the burning in my chest will subside to calm rhythmic breaths. My joints will loosen and the sharp pains will transform to a dull pulsing. My body will go from this broken, inefficient mess to a strong, well-oiled machine. My mind will ease into thoughts of empowerment and the waves of discouragement will calm to a stillness. One day I will taste the success of this long-awaited achievement. One day I will know that I am capable of anything. One day I will understand perserverance on a new level....

Today, is not that day.