Research....

Recently I have been really DISTURBED by a common theme in my life and even those of close friends. My entire life I have been overweight. I have refused to allow this to be something that limits me and although I eat pretty healthy and I am active I am still OVERWEIGHT. One of my ex-boyfriends commented all the time about how I didn't act like a "fat girl". He told me that it was because of my CONFIDENCE and the fact that I never seem to be bothered by my size where others might be. Jason was the first man I have ever dated to be completely comfortable with my physical appearance. He always made me feel BEAUTIFUL and amazing. He made me feel I could do anything. So why am I disturbed? Because I have friends that are unhappy with the fact that their wives have gained 20-30 lbs since their WEDDINGS. They are unhappy because their wives don't go to the gym as much as they think they should. I hear them make degrading comments and allow others to do the same. This makes me SICK. If it were an isolated couple I wouldn't feel so DISGUSTED but this is coming from multiple men who I have respected and considered friends. I also have a few friends on the other side who are the ones being degraded and broken down. I see them emerging with deep feelings of inadequacy. I see them downtrodden and discouraged and motivation lost. This makes me sad. The worst thing a man could do is to make a comment about a women's weight....especially if she isn't used to being that way or she is insecure. It will never leave her...

I wanted to know the perceptions of men regarding weight and with a research class on my plate this semester I began asking these QUESTIONS:

If your wife gained 30lbs in your first year of marriage would you consider DIVORCE? (yes I have actually gotten men who would!)

How would you TREAT her differently?

What would you do or say?

Would it effect any aspects of your RELATIONSHIP?

I appreciate that I have gotten a lot of answers that seem to be pretty honest. Women and weight are not always the most comfortable thing for people to talk about but I appreciate their participation. All I have learned from this is that my dating pool just got a whole lot SMALLER. I consider myself to be strong.... but this is one battle I will never fight. I have tasted the JOY that comes from someone accepting EVERY part of you and the drive and motivation that is fostered from that. I will NEVER accept anything less.

Backup Plan...

Tonight I was talking with G. He is my longest standing boy bestie. G and I talk a lot about relationships. We first became friends when we had a Spanish class together nearly four years ago and he offered to pay me if I would lend him my expertise in the "world of women". Four years later, now I am going to him....

We made this "My Best Friend's Wedding deal" a year ago that when we hit 31 and we are both single we will take the plunge together. Sounds oh so romantic huh? It seems to work for us though given that he is incredibly rational and I am just...well...."relationship phobic". (Five years should be enough time for anyone to get used to the idea of marrying someone right???)...

G is an amazing guy and let's be honest....it would take a miracle for him to still be single in five years...I really cherish our times together and most memorable would be our short stint living as neighbors in a Costa Rican town outside of SJ. Sudoku tournaments, discotecas, accusations of drug dealing from the locals, and full-body mud masks... Good times. Thanks G!

UTAH...

C just returned from Iraq and he and his wife will be in Utah next month. My awesome parents bought me a ticket to fly home and with A, B, and W coming from GA this will make it the first time in at least two years when we will all be together in one place....