Lately I have had a lot of friends getting into this whole "online dating" revolution. I had done this years ago but decided that perhaps I should give it another shot. Three of my close friends have announced engagements in the last week and a few aquaintances as well. I often get accused of not trying hard enough or not making dating enough of a priority so let the record show that this is me trying!!! Here is my experience...
A few weeks ago e-harmony was having a free commuication weekend so I figured I would give it a shot. After filling out a grueling multiple choice/essay assessment the computer comes back with "no possible matches at this time"....awesome....out of the millions of members on e-harmony there isn't a single person that the computer would find me to be compatible with. Perhaps this was my sign. The next day I log on and find that I have six matches...some of which are "flexible matches" which I assume to be people you could have a possible connection with but are not gauranteed by the e-harmony staff. Great. The way this site works is that you submit pre-selected questions and send them to the matches of your choice. They can then decide to "stop communication" or send back the answers. When they "stop communication" you receive an email stating why they chose to do so...among responses like "pursuing another relationship" or "our backgrounds are too different" there is this one called "other". Over the course of the weekend I send out questions to all the males who are Mormon...(yes sadly this is my only criteria!)...by the end of the weekend I have 32 matches (I guess I got more match worthy as time went on???) to which 28 men decided to "end communication" due to "other" and two more, a week later, have yet to respond. The final two end it due to "pursuing another relationship". Great. Rejected by 28 Mormon men in one weekend who I am convinced that their "other" could actually be translated to "I am a Shallow Hal and I refuse to even respond to women who are overweight"...
So I begin looking at statistics and 70% of men desire a woman who is thin. Well where the heck are the other 30%???? Either they don't use services like e-Harmony or they aren't Mormon...either way I decide I want to find them! More research with my google search engine (by this time we have been developing a relationship with each other...a non-judgmental, silent one...yes I am loving it.) finds me five or six sites advertising a "big and beautiful clientele". Sweet! I feel right at home here....I quickly fill out my profile and matching survey. (substantially shorter than e-harmony....not sure if this is good or bad.) I post the same pictures and within minutes my inbox is flooded with emails from men stating "You are hot" or " I love your pictures!"...(I think my self-image went up 50 points within a matter of 3 1/2 minutes!) Over the next three days they continue to come in and I begin to email or IM selected men....(given the nature of the website I screen with much higher standards) Sadly, not a single one is Mormon....(I see this as a VERY SICK COINCIDENCE) I still talk to about ten of the men who I might add are very attractive and employed and Christian. My profile amongst my eye color and height states MORMON. This is an interesting thing. I get a lot of resposes like "What is it like being Mormon?" or "Are you guys allowed to date non-mormons?" one tells me what he knows about being Mormon and at the end he states "Mormon women are some of the prettiest I have ever seen"...I laugh. So in responding to these emails I offer up a bit of gospel education. Some however, I have found are on the sites for very different reasons than myself just as with any dating site and they merely want to exchange dirty pictures or speak nasty.
I decide that this is a no win situation. The Mormon men won't speak to me because I am overweight and the ones that think I am beautiful and "Can't believe a girl that looks like me is still single" are the ones that I hesitate to get involved with because then you have to deal with all of the explanations of why we don't drink, smoke, have pre-marital relations etc. Don't get me wrong...I am not opposed to a little missionary work but I also don't want to get involved with someone expecting them to change.
I have decided through these experiences that dating is WAY too much work.Perhaps I am selfish because relieved I return to my computer and cancel my worthless e-harmony account and realize that I just wasted three to four hours getting rejected by 28 to complete strangers in one weekend. Somehow I can't make it seem worth it. I do however consider leaving my "big and beautiful" account open if nothing more than getting that small dose of "I'm attractive to someone" feeling.
My Daily Plate...
Ok so I just came across this AWESOME website that I wanted to share!
On it there is this thing called My Daily Plate where you can type in everything that you eat in a day and it calculates how many calories, protein, carbs etc. that you take in. It also includes a thing to calculate how many calories you should have in a day and as you log in your daily consumption it also tracks everything monthly. I have found it very easy to use and there are a lot of other great things for people who want to get healthier like forums for people working on specific things like better mental health, addictions, or even losing weight. It lists specific eating plans for people like a diabetic diet, celiac diet, low calorie etc. complete with links to info and recipes. Check it out if you are trying to get healthier in any area...chances are, whatever your needs, this site will have resources for you!
Family...
So lately I have had the opportunity to spend a lot of time around my family. Truly I appreciate it given that I usually live too far away to see them more than a few times a year. I always figured growing up that we would be the ones all living down the street from each other with our own individual families. I pictured us having weekend barbeques, traditional sunday dinners and raising our children together. Our children would run the fields on my parents property playing night games and having bonfires just as I did as a child. They would be surrounded by cousins who would become their closest friends and have frequent sleepovers. Boy was I wrong. With half of our family now out-of-state it's harder to stay close and to really know each other. Kind of a shame given that each of my siblings have very different personalities and life experiences that teach so much. Each of them have chosen such different partners and daily living. It amazes me that we all grew up in the same family and yet came out so different. Each has contributed significantly to who I am today. I remember once when I was nine or ten. I wanted to learn to sing. I sat in my oldest brother's room and spoke with him about my ideas. He gave me simple words of encouragemet and by the time I got up to leave I was convinced I needed to ask my mom. (Not a small thing given my upbringing. We never had a lot of money but instead an unspoken rule that we wouldn't ask for things that cost anything.) My brother introduced me to a new approach where I would look through the phone book and call all the music advertisements checking for prices. I must have called 9 or 10 places and selected the one that was the best deal. Then I went to my mom. She was impressed at the research and cosidered it more than I had expected. Eventually I was able to work out a deal to do extra chores so I could have singing lessons. Sixteen years later and I still don't have a voice that is worth aything but my brother taught me something very valuable and at such a youg age. He taught me that I should pursue things that are important to me despite my circumstances. He taught me to become informed and and be proactive and the rest will come. When I began college ten years ago I had no idea how I was going to pay for it. Education was never stressed in my family. At the time I was living on my own and paying rent. One semester at a time things worked out. I have many more examples of my brother's pearls wisdom that I have picked up along the way. What a great blessing I have had to grow up in a family where I could learn so much. I am so grateful to them and I continue to look to them despite our physical distance.
Motivation anyone???
So during my trip to the Grand Canyon Jill and I were talking. I have gained a lot of weight since I discovered I have Celiac. It has zapped my energy and that mixed with the anemia I am finding it hard to have the energy to work out as long or as hard as before. I am definately not trying to use this as an excuse but I am a little concerned for my health. Jill is a runner and I joke with her all the time about "always wanting to run a marathon" and of course this is on my list. I have been interval training with a run/walk for three miles a day. I remember a time when that was no issue for me but now it kicks my butt! My closest girlfriends really know how to celebrate and for everyone's 30th bday we do something great. This last trip Jill brought up my 30th...(I can't believe we are discussing this already!) and she suggested the marathon for my bday. Keep in mind that currently I HATE running. I used to enjoy it well enough but now it's so painful! I have 3 1/2 yrs to get my butt back into shape so I can do this! I get to choose the country and the city that we do the marathon in. (No RiLee, I refuse to go to Wyoming!) This year the goal is to get 3-4 5k races under my belt. It seems so overwelming right now especially given my state of mind! I am eager to get settled in my new job so I can start researching races to train for. Right now I am crossing my fingers for PA...just waiting on the state budget to pass. Wish me luck! I will need it!
Love the One You are With...
So lately I have been doing a lot of reading. Granted, it's not like I am choosing award winning works or even anything that I expect to be life changing however recently I have been frustrated with what I am coming up with. I love chick-lit...works written by women, about women, and for women. I love character driven stories that I feel I can relate to on some level. Last week I picked up this choice by Emily Griffin and to be fair I have read other novels recently that I would lump together with this particular selection but I wanted to throw it across the room with the turn of every chapter...why did I finish it then? Because a small sliver of me wanted to believe it would get better. It didn't.This book is about woman who has a "perfect marriage"... now we all know this doesn't exist in the real world but in the book she really has this phenomenal guy who is good looking, wealthy, family-oriented lawyer, drives a BMW, wants kids, and says some incredibly romantic things. Who wouldn't wan this???
This woman runs into an old flame on the street in NYC and ends up having coffee with him. Over the course of events they begin to talk more and more and she even plans a trip to NYC after she has moved to Atlanta so she can go and "work on a project" with him.
This is all this book is about! Her thoughts and feelings that lead up to an "almost physical affair" are outrageous. She rationalizes their communication and becomes bitter with new life in Atlanta because she doesn't have to work, she has a beautiful house and all she has to do all day is go to the gym, shop, clean the house etc. Boo hoo! She begins to resent this life because it is not the passionate, fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants life that she had with this old flame! I was disgusted with this character and her choices. In the end of the book she ends up kissing the old flame and strictly because of a phone call from her sister she goes back to her husband. She claims she HAD to kiss him to understand that love is a choice. Lame.
I am so frustrated with males and females treating marriage with such flippancy and especially with all of these chick-lit authors writing this crap that we are supposed to "relate to" and I can't. I hope that most people can't. I realize that without being married I may be missing something that only comes with experience but I have loved strongly. I have also had similar feelings of being "trapped" that this character expresses. I have not however, ever had a fleeting thought to kiss someone else or even communicate with a man while involved with another. I definately have never felt it was a NEED like this character in order to "find myself". Married, single, divorced and widowed people all probably experience boredom or lack of excitement in their lives at some point. We live in a society that requires some level of monotony ie going to work everyday or caring for your children all the time but my thoughts are why can't one just find a frickin hobby!
Drowning in waves of nostalgia....
The last couple of weeks have been interesting....
* Cooking experiments involving GF recipes, my favorite being the white bean puree and chicken souvlaki. Yum!
* Stacks of chick-lit novels including my favorite ladies Picoult, Weiner, and Kinsella.
*Two very AWKWARD run-ins with the ex.
* Six nights of cursing myself out for cutting out on the mile run so often in junior high. Running makes me want to die. (Jill this isn't me giving up I am just sayin...)
* Institute classes full of children....since when did they let 15 yr olds attend institute. (okay in all fairness maybe they are actually 18....)
* Repeated plays of "If I were a boy" by Beyonce....
* An awesome day spent with Jenn...
* Great Fourth with the fam that included reunification with some old friends.
* Lots of job applications.
* More evidence to add to the Shallow Hal theory.
* Concious acts of trying to dispel the Shallow Hal Theory so I don't come across as stereotyping.
* Lots of studying.
* Interview with potential employers....
* Realization that environment is HUGE and as much as I hate to admit it....I think I need to move.
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