Looking back in my life there have been plenty of times where I have let go almost too easily to things that have been considered fairly important to me. Example: Sixth grade gym class where we are required to do at least three pull-ups. Should be cake. To an obese little girl with no confidence it was pure torture. I would hang there and even sooner than I should I would let go...less because my body gave way and more because I didn't think I could, so why hang there longer? This is merely a physical example but how about the best friend of 5 years that betrayed me or the amazing boyfriend who's only mistake was loving me completely. I walked away so quickly from these things. Let go like they were nothing more than a pound of unwanted weight. Now here I am clinging white-knuckled to someone very different than that. Tighter I cling to the rope in my hands until the strands begin to cut. More excuses and rationalizations masked and wrapped up like pretty little "Get out of jail free cards" tumble from my lips. My logic for why I do. My mind tells me to hold on because I am on a narrow beam shooting out in only one direction with miles of space beneath me and I am afraid of heights. Letting go could really hurt and maybe even break me. I hear the words that tell me I am somewhere else entirely. Lying on an open field of prickly grass. Every direction endless sky and dusty terrain. Nothing to limit me. Nothing to direct my steps. Merely space in which I can choose.
If I could just simply let go.
No comments:
Post a Comment